Oh no she didn't.

Everybody knows that people are crazy.  I mean, I know that.  I grew up in Clinton for God's sake;  a town where someone would punch a coach if their son didn't get enough playing time in the high school football game.

I went to a school where it wasn't uncommon to see students getting dropped off at their dorms on a Friday night by a public safety officer.  Nor was it uncommon to see a person standing on the roof of a fraternity house in a Superman cape. I'm quite aware of the crazies that I grew up around.  I get it.

I mean, I watch "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" on a regular basis.  They're cray cray.  The number of times that they have vowed to never speak to one another again because the other messed with their Blackberry Messenger is absurd. But you can't not watch it.  It's entertainment.  Cray cray is FUNNY!

Until yesterday.......

So I'm at work at my retail job, per usual, cursing the world because my feet hurt like no other and sweating like a fool because I'm running around the store.  I was told to help a lady who seemed to be wandering around the store.  No problem.  I approached the approximately 60 year old lady with the bleached blonde hair with the usual "Maam can I help you find anything special?  Pants are 30% off today!"  She turned around to reveal her face.....she was smiling....and then she replied "well actually I'm very angry because someone was supposed to call me about a skirt and NO ONE CALLED ME".  I then realized that the smile on her face was permanent because of the amount of plastic surgery that she had gotten.  After listening to how awful her life was because she wouldn't be able to wear the sequin skirt to a very important event she had to attend, I escorted her to the fitting room to try on a different skirt......eventhough, God forbid, it wasn't the sequin one she wanted so badly. (I mean, there are kids dying in Africa....and she's crying over a skirt....oh no she didn't.)

After I showed her to her personal room and told her how wonderful her high waisted pants looked on her, I left to go ring up two other customers I had.  Now, maybe I was too consumed in how much money these crazy fools were spending and wasn't paying attention to the time, but it didn't seem like I stayed away from my high-waisted pant customer very long.  Well....apparently I was wrong.  I saw high-waisted pant lady at the back of the store speaking with the head manager. I approach her and asked if the skirt worked for her.  

AND THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

High-waist turned to me with FURY in her eyes.  She looked at me as if I had just told her that I was the person who crucified Jesus.  And then she proceeded to give me a scream-filled monologue.


"NO! IT DID NOT WORK. YOU ABANDONED ME LIKE A DOG IN THE FITTING ROOM.  I AM VERY ANGRY WITH YOU.  YOU HAVE DONE A TERRIBLE JOB ASSISTING ME AND I WILL NEVER COME BACK AGAIN."
*Let me also remind you that this was all said with a smile....because she couldn't move her face.

I walked away like a dog who had just peed on the floor and gotten screamed at by its owner.  It would have felt so good to just smack that plastic surgery off of her face.  I couldn't believe it.  I have never been screamed at like that before in my life.  The only times that even come close are the times when my 7th grade basketball coach told me that I wasn't doing a good job because I could never catch the ball and she called me "Butterfingers".....or when my 5th grade teacher told me to go to the principal's office because my hiccups were too loud....but that was just a way to scare me to make my hiccups go away.
And like watching the craziness of the Kardashians, EVERYONE in the store stopped, went silent, and stared.  I mean, I would've watched too had I not been the one being persecuted by high-waist.

This current job has been a true study in human nature. Things I have learned:
1.  More often than not, people are crazy.
2.  Old people love pants that hit directly at the waist, not any lower.
3.  Abandoning someone in a dressing = grounds for crucifixion.
4.  Women don't care if they walk around a store half naked.
5.  Taylor Swift is terrible.....(that's just something I've known all along.  I just thought I'd throw it out there with her new album that's coming out)

But what would life be without the crazies?  Pretty boring.  So for all you cray cray fools, keep doing what you're doing so I can keep blogging about you.  Maybe one day I'll get famous for it.

And until then, at least I'm not these kids.