After I graduated college (a college in which, by the way, I ROCKED the dance floor (that comment's relevance will be shown later in the blog) at), I decided it would be a great idea to take a year off in between grad school to "live".........whether or not that turned out to be a good idea is completely erroneous.
The point is, I decided to move up to CharTown because it's a bigger city, there's a lot of opportunity (again, whether or not that's true is completely erroneous), it's still accessible to the homestead, and they have a great professional children's theater.  So tonight I find out there's an audition for "Scrooge", which by the way, may or may not be the story of my father's life.
So I'm really excited, right?  It's a professional audition.  It could give me a little street cred.  It gives me an opportunity to sing in front of some people that may be connected somehow in the arts.  And maybe there will be a male suitor there........or perhaps a new gay bestie.
Now, you can ask Josh Martin or Anna Katherine Moore and they will be happy to tell you the thing I hate most about theater.  The thing I hate most about the theater:  theatery people.  If you don't what I'm talking about, I'd be happy to explain "theatery people" characteristics in a list:
1.  People who constantly talk about the shows that they have done....example:  "Why, yes, I was in Beauty and the Beast.  I was the 3rd spoon from the left".  Here's a hint, Shakespeare.  I hate you and I hate your previous experiences in theater.
2.  People who obnoxiously stretch/warm up before an audition.  Example:  There was a girl today who, first of all, came into the audition with a black leotard on.....only.  I mean, dang.  At least put on a skirt.  She sat in front of me for an hour doing butterfly stretches, stretching her legs up against the walls, lunging, and basically screaming.  She was trying to "make sure everything was warm in her voice".  If it would have been appropriate to throw my jazz shoe at her face, I totally would have.
3.  People who think it's ok to wear "Wicked" t-shirts, knee socks with stripes, too many arm bracelets/silly bands, and jeans with a lot of holes in them to an audition.  This isn't OZ.  Get your life together and put on a suit, fool.

So, since I haven't been to an audition in a while, I was re-immersed in the hatred that I have for over the top theatery people and the audition process in general.  I literally sit in a corner with my theatery bag, my attempt at an outfit to wear for a dance call, and my cell phone, taking sly and candid pictures of these crazies.  But it always provides for a good laugh....and someone for me to text Kelley about and make fun of.
When I got to the audition tonight, I realized also that this audition was going to mix my dislike for a thing I hate alot, theatery people, with a thing I dislike even more, which is theatery kids.  God knows that I try to have patience for them.  After all, I was probably just like them when I was 11 or so.....but they didn't have as cool of a bowl cut as I did.  I mean, I did buy a Rent shirt the first time I saw it.....and I wore a Wicked shirt to the first improv show I ever saw so they would notice that I liked theater.....and I may or may not have only Broadway songs on my iPod.  ERRONEOUS.  The point is, I tried to have patience, but I couldn't.  These kids were crazy.  They literally bounced all around the room.  One looked at me and said "Oh my God.  I forgot how my song goes....can you sing the first part of A Whole New World for me?" And I did.  One little girl practiced singing "Popluar" from Wicked for 30 minutes in the corner while pacing back and forth.  She was a culprit of wearing those friggin tall socks.  It was literally like High School Musical on crack.
 But then a little glimmer of light shone.  And her name was Ashley.  She was four years old.  She was eating chocolate goldfish....which I didn't even know existed.  And best of all, she had light up shoes.  And they not only lit up on her heel, they also lit up on her toes.  Seriously?  Where was this circa 1994 when we wore light up shoes?!  And these were Chuck Taylors! She was so cool.  I will admit that she didn't, by any means, change my mind about theatery kids because she had on an "Annie" t-shirt, but it was still pretty cool that she had light up shoes.
The audition went really well! And theeeeen the dance callback happened.  And although I did take movement styles with Sally Besuden, Anna Katherine Moore, and Josh Martin, and I admit, I danced my d#*k off, it didn't help too much.  I've never been much of a dancer......outside of the fraternity houses.  Whatever.  At least I smiled alot.....right?
But, another day, another dolla, another audition.  Oh the life of a struggling artist.
And until then, at least I'm not this guy.