But I felt like I should wait to write a blog and let some of the things that have happened recently accumulate so they could all go into one blog.
As we all know, I work in retail. This year, I experienced my first Black Friday as a sales associate. Let me just say that people are nuts. The women that came in that day were the hottest of hot messes. Most of them had been up since 4AM waiting outside of Walmart for a new TV or a new computer for "the grandbaby"....in most cases, my store was the last stop of the day.....and after 12 hours of shopping and way too much triptophan in their systems, these ladies were irritable and looking for sympathy. And I refused to give it to them. I mean, dang. It's not my fault that they were cray cray enough to wake up when even God himself wasn't awake, to buy a new TV. No thank you, ladies.
Since that day, I've had some strange conversations/occurances with my customers. Most of the time, I'm in the women's department: this is for the big mamas. And God bless them, they're all so nice.....most of the time. But these women have no filters....or modesty. The following things have happened to me in the last three weeks:
1. I bought a BOSS headband....and I actually bought it from the store. It's really funky and is something that you would typically see me wear. So....I'm wearing my cool headband at work. I'm ringing up a lady at the checkout counter, and answering her questions she had for me. "Yes ma'am, I just graduated from Presbyterian College. I graduated with a degree in music and theater." And she looked at me like she had just made a bewildering discovery and replied, "Ohhhhhhh. That's why you have that THING on your head." Thank you, ma'am. Enjoy your high waisted pants.
2. I had been helping a very nice lady who was very honest. If she didn't like a top, she let you know. If she didn't like the song on the radio, she let you know. But she WAS funny....so I'll give her that. So once again, I'm ringing up her clothes and ask "ma'am did you find everything ok?" The honest lady stares at me for a moment, thinking hard and begins to speak. She stops herself. And then looks at me again....and then she says "You know I went to Belk today and found some great rosatia cream. You should really think about buying some for your face." Thank you, ma'am. Enjoy your button up blouse with matching turtleneck.
3. Our store is split into three big sections: petite, misses, and women's. A lady came over to me looking for the women's section. And with exquisite charm, I said "Well you're here! Welcome!" The lady looks at me and replies: "Oh Great! I'm glad I found it! Us big girls have to stay over here where we can fit into the bigger sizes, don't we?" I didn't respond.
4. A lady came in wanting a new cardigan. I showed her tons of them.......after she hated every single one, I decided to show her one that I had bought. It was a gray cardigan with sequins on the front...nothing too extravagant by any means. She looks at the cardigan....and back at me.....and back at the cardigan....and back at me once again....and replied with a disgusted look on her face, "well........aren't you just.........artsy."
5. A lady came in looking for a new wardrobe. She was in her late 70's. Sweet. I could do it. So we set her up in a fitting room and I just brought her items to try on since I'm such a talented wardrobe stylist.....whatever. So each time I would bring her a new outfit I would knock on her door and hand her items to her. Well I found a great item and didn't think this time would be any different when I handed her the clothes. I knocked and she replied "Come on in"..............and there she was........in all her glory........butt naked. I mean, really? Does this really have to happen to me? I stood there, stuttering and trying to leave, but she was just carrying on a conversation like nothing was happening.....like she wasn't standing there BUTT NAKED. Sadly, I don't know if I'll ever forget that day of my life.
Sometimes I really don't believe my life. Most of the time, actually. But if it wasn't this way, I would have nothing to blog about....touche.
In other news, this weekend I got to see my best friends (Minus B and Will).....we tried to pretend like we were still in college....and we STILL GOT IT. And I also went and saw the PC Choir Christmas Show. I won't lie.....I was a hot mess...but it was good to see my children. And although this week I will miss going to study break at 11 PM and eating my d#*k off, I must see that it sucks to suck for those of you who have exams. But don't worry. Enjoy it. Because one day you'll be in the real world and having to help naked old women......yeah.....that's my life.
But for now, at least I'm not this kid.
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