Well friends, after a brief summer hiatus and a few requests, the blog is back in action. My summer was filled with lots of kick lines, a lot of fast food, an absurd amount of weddings (including perhaps the most epic reunion of the 15 Best Friends That Anyone Could Have), and per usual, a lot of cray crays. But as fall rolls around and people settle back into the routine of going back to school/work, I have to decided to bring back the blog with avengance. Thus, I will bring you the first story of fall.
So. I have five dogs. I could blame my mother or my sister for this excessive amount of animals, but let's be real. I contributed to this disease as much as any of us....and by disease, I mean complete and utter animal hoarding. Our oldest dog is named Daisy. She is what my boss calls "pedigree diversified". She's a mutt. She is also blind, partly deaf, and may have early onset dog alzheimers. I like to call it "dogheimers". Along with Daisy, we have Peppie (her daughter), Lola, Roxy (a psycho schnauzer who played Toto when I was Dorothy and jumped out of my arms during "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"....bad relationship), and Mae, my miniature dachshund. These dogs are crazy. They're like a gang. When they're outside, they always sneak around like they're trying to hide something....but I never really thought anything of it.
Until now.
Unbeknownst to me or the rest of my family, Mae has been digging a massive hole/tunnel in our backyard that is wedged between two stumps. When I say massive, I'm talking the same tunnel that Alice fell down when she ended up in frigging Wonderland. So how did we find this hole you ask? Well......when Dad went to let all the dogs in from the backyard on his lunch break, Daisy didn't come to the door. Daisy always comes to door. Dad got worried, thinking that somehow she got out of the fence. As Dad walked around the backyard, he noticed this large tunnel that Mae had dug.
Well Daisy was stuck in the frigging hole.
She had crawled so far into the hole, I think she got confused because of her dogheimers, and was completely stuck. Couldn't/wouldn't move backwards. I receive the panicked call from Dad and hurry home from work, only to see Daisy.....stuck in the hole. Naturally, Dad and I quickly jump into panic mode. "Dad, do you think she crawled in there to die?!? Oh Jesus, she's DEAD. Needless to say, things were not going well.
Transition into rescue mode.
Scene:
Randy Randall with a shovel and pick, digging an alternate hole like they did for the Chilean mining crisis....sweating....
Taylor Randall laying in the dirt with a piece of cheese trying to coax a pedigree diversified dog to move backwards through an Alice In Wonderland hole.
If you have ever seen the Winnie The Pooh episode where Pooh gets stuck in the rabbit hole, I was playing the role of Rabbit....ass deep in the hole attempting to pull that stupid fat bear out.
After a little less than an hour of digging, overreacting, sweating, and foul language, we finally reached Daisy. She wasn't really moving, and I just knew she was dead and my mother was absolutely going to FLIP. As I pulled backed on her legs, Dad grabbed her head from the alternate hole and pulled her out. Oh don't worry. She was alive as she could be, shook the dirt off of her, and trotted back to the door like nothing had ever happened. In fact, I think she was taking a nap.
Needless to say, it was a trying day for us all. And as we finished covering the Wonderland hole with huge rocks, all Dad could say was, "It's just like a Lassie movie".....
