As I get closer to the holidays, I realize that it's time to quit feeling sorry for myself because my life is a lot better than most people's.  I'll admit it.  I'm a brat most of the time.  I don't like to work....I think I'm better suited to just....I don't know....not work.  And I complain a lot.  But you know what....with this holiday season approaching and the fear that I have to work in retail on Black Friday, I've decided I have no choice but to turn my badditude into a gladditude.  First, we'll start with you clicking on the link below and listening to it while you read the rest of the blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stbbEB9O_nc&feature=&p=D8B448A896A7D07B&index=0&playnext=1

Next, I'm going to make a list of some of the things I'm thankful for...because that's what we used to do when we had free time in first grade during Thanksgiving.....and I have a lot of free time these days.

1.  Duh...my family.  My sister is the coolest/funniest person I know.  She's got a big ole bun in the oven and she's going to make me the coolest aunt in the world. And she always brings me breakfast. My mother is the best person I've ever known...and she makes a rocking meatloaf.  And my dad is just a badass.  Period.  Not to mention my grandparents who essentially run the town that they live in, my aunt who treats us like we're her own children, my other grandmother who is, by all means, the life of the party (she always keeps mini-bottles in her purse), and my uncle and cousins who never make Christmas boring.
2.  Krispy Kreme.  There's nothing that a fried piece of dough with icing on it can't fix.  If you doubt that statement, I want you to go to the nearest Krispy Kreme with the "HOT NOW" sign lit up when you're at a very low point, and tell me it's not true.  On really bad days, I can usually down 12 with no problems.  And on that same note:  McDonald's 50 piece chicken McNuggett meal.  Now that's something to be thankful for.
3.  Jasper.  This is him.  He's a stud.  And he likes to eat just as much as I do.

4.  Youtube.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  I love YouTube.  Every Broadway show that you could ever imagine is on there.  So when I'm in need of a little musical theater fix, YouTube becomes my bff.  I mean, EVERYTHING is on there.  If you want a funny video of a bird dancing to Willow Smith's "I Whip My Hair Back and Forth", you'll find it. Or if you want a compilation Christmas medley of songs from 1976, it's on there. It never ceases to amaze me.

5.  Movies That I Can Now Quote Because I Watched Them 70 Times In A Row During My Childhood:  Hocus Pocus, Grease, Steele Magnolias, Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, The Santa Clause, Pete's Dragon, White Christmas, Mrs. Doubtfire, Wizard of Oz, Meet Me In St. Louis....the list continues.  I watched a lot of movies as a child. I think it was the only thing that my parents could do to get me to shut up.  I would watch one and then I would proceed to act them out and put my own personal twist on them....(let's keep in mind I was still rocking the bowl cut at this point in my life...which I am also thankful for.)  

6.  2-Crunk, 2-Easy, The Boys Downstairs, Will, Precious, Josh My Dad, AK, The Dragon Family, Dr. James Porter Stokes, Dance Floors, Mexico, and everyone ever involved in Hall Crawl for that matter.  These are the people that made PC such an epic 4 years.  EPIC.  I mean, you have no idea.  I'm also thankful for/sorry about the people whose frozen pizzas we ate every weekend.  Blame Laurie.

7.  Christmas Music In November.  You all can be scrooges all you want....but I'm thankful that Christmas music starts on 98.9 and 102.5 at the beginning of November.  You tell me that Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" doesn't rock your world/change your holiday mood.  I can't count the number of times that I requested that song to dance to while at PC....and it was August....or February....or May.  It's just a great song.  And you know it.  

8.  I'm Thankful That I Don't Live In A Box.  When we were in my theater capstone class, we discussed the top ten things that we needed and wanted to accomplish in the next five years.  As a musician and actor, the top thing I wanted to accomplish was to NOT live in a box.  I mean, I came close to it in October when rent was due....but that's erroneous.  I'm real thankful. And that's all that matters.

9.  I'm Thankful that Taylor Swift and Josh Groban are not on my iPod.

10..  Clinton.  That includes Ami Vaughn, who taught me how to swim, Amy Link--my boo, Rachel and Mary Katherine--two of the exceptions to the fact that I hate kids, SAB, the ole Tapestry, G, Barbs and Timmy, Big LD, little Allen, McDonald's 24 hour drive thru, Munka my 25 pound cat, Whiteford's hashbrowns, and the fact that Murder King is now going to be a Japanese place. Score.

10.  This Guy.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt14iDbgCAM

So friends, as much as my life is a big bag of suck sometimes, it's not too bad.  I have a lot more than some people.  So...what are you thankful for?

Oh yeah, and I'm thankful that I'm not this kid......oh wait.....

Oh no she didn't.

Everybody knows that people are crazy.  I mean, I know that.  I grew up in Clinton for God's sake;  a town where someone would punch a coach if their son didn't get enough playing time in the high school football game.

I went to a school where it wasn't uncommon to see students getting dropped off at their dorms on a Friday night by a public safety officer.  Nor was it uncommon to see a person standing on the roof of a fraternity house in a Superman cape. I'm quite aware of the crazies that I grew up around.  I get it.

I mean, I watch "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" on a regular basis.  They're cray cray.  The number of times that they have vowed to never speak to one another again because the other messed with their Blackberry Messenger is absurd. But you can't not watch it.  It's entertainment.  Cray cray is FUNNY!

Until yesterday.......

So I'm at work at my retail job, per usual, cursing the world because my feet hurt like no other and sweating like a fool because I'm running around the store.  I was told to help a lady who seemed to be wandering around the store.  No problem.  I approached the approximately 60 year old lady with the bleached blonde hair with the usual "Maam can I help you find anything special?  Pants are 30% off today!"  She turned around to reveal her face.....she was smiling....and then she replied "well actually I'm very angry because someone was supposed to call me about a skirt and NO ONE CALLED ME".  I then realized that the smile on her face was permanent because of the amount of plastic surgery that she had gotten.  After listening to how awful her life was because she wouldn't be able to wear the sequin skirt to a very important event she had to attend, I escorted her to the fitting room to try on a different skirt......eventhough, God forbid, it wasn't the sequin one she wanted so badly. (I mean, there are kids dying in Africa....and she's crying over a skirt....oh no she didn't.)

After I showed her to her personal room and told her how wonderful her high waisted pants looked on her, I left to go ring up two other customers I had.  Now, maybe I was too consumed in how much money these crazy fools were spending and wasn't paying attention to the time, but it didn't seem like I stayed away from my high-waisted pant customer very long.  Well....apparently I was wrong.  I saw high-waisted pant lady at the back of the store speaking with the head manager. I approach her and asked if the skirt worked for her.  

AND THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

High-waist turned to me with FURY in her eyes.  She looked at me as if I had just told her that I was the person who crucified Jesus.  And then she proceeded to give me a scream-filled monologue.


"NO! IT DID NOT WORK. YOU ABANDONED ME LIKE A DOG IN THE FITTING ROOM.  I AM VERY ANGRY WITH YOU.  YOU HAVE DONE A TERRIBLE JOB ASSISTING ME AND I WILL NEVER COME BACK AGAIN."
*Let me also remind you that this was all said with a smile....because she couldn't move her face.

I walked away like a dog who had just peed on the floor and gotten screamed at by its owner.  It would have felt so good to just smack that plastic surgery off of her face.  I couldn't believe it.  I have never been screamed at like that before in my life.  The only times that even come close are the times when my 7th grade basketball coach told me that I wasn't doing a good job because I could never catch the ball and she called me "Butterfingers".....or when my 5th grade teacher told me to go to the principal's office because my hiccups were too loud....but that was just a way to scare me to make my hiccups go away.
And like watching the craziness of the Kardashians, EVERYONE in the store stopped, went silent, and stared.  I mean, I would've watched too had I not been the one being persecuted by high-waist.

This current job has been a true study in human nature. Things I have learned:
1.  More often than not, people are crazy.
2.  Old people love pants that hit directly at the waist, not any lower.
3.  Abandoning someone in a dressing = grounds for crucifixion.
4.  Women don't care if they walk around a store half naked.
5.  Taylor Swift is terrible.....(that's just something I've known all along.  I just thought I'd throw it out there with her new album that's coming out)

But what would life be without the crazies?  Pretty boring.  So for all you cray cray fools, keep doing what you're doing so I can keep blogging about you.  Maybe one day I'll get famous for it.

And until then, at least I'm not these kids.